A friend told me sometime back - You don't allow yourself to experience it. So, don't go around, blaming the world for it. The truth of the statement hit me hard. The 'IT', I am assuming, can be synomymous with any positive emotion, ranging from 'Happiness' to 'Love'. A silent reflection of the 'Whys and the Whats' of the statement made me conclude that the reason is quite simple. I don't LIVE for NOW. I don't live in the present moment. Here's a poem that has been doing the rounds on the internet that beautifully captures the essence of NOW:)

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over

I'm moving, finally :)

Don't dance so fast
The music might not last.

It is a wonderful life

It really is, It really is

I just dont know what to do with it

When the curtains flap in the silent breeze
The lights are a distant haze
As I look out, I close my eyes
I smell the dark night
Will I see a sign, when I open my eyes
As I stand there, hugging the window
Will you be there?
I am scared to.

Memories, good or bad, are our only link to the past. It is wonderful the way our memory allows us the opportunity to relive the past and go back endlessly in time, to as far as we can remember. My mother and I were watching something on TV this afternoon. A lady in a bright yellow sari floated on to the screen as part of a TV commercial. Instantly, my mother went back 50 years in time and told me that her grandfather had gifted a frock to her, in exactly the same shade of yellow when she was about 6 or 7. She even remembered the frock’s fabric and the patterns, and that it was probably one of the last frocks that she wore. Immediately my father chipped in with an incident that had happened to him at a cinema theatre when he was about 6 or 7. I realised then, that without memories, we’d all be lost in the travails of time. If we think about the simple things that would tug at our lips and make us smile, memories of our early days will definitely be on this list. If we jog our memory to as far as back to our kindergarten days, playing in wet sand with a scoop and basket could be one of them. The simple act of thumbing through an old scrapbook or a photo album gives us profuse pleasure. We laugh to ourselves, pull our head back, close our eyes and reminisce or maybe even call the other person to talk about the memories together. There are 5 zones of emotion out of which just one is positive and since memories can be disturbing too, the catch is to be able to maintain the right balance between positive and negative memories. All said and done, memories let us relive the past. As someone rightly said “We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams”

The railway station almost always brings back memories of a particular train journey, when I was a kid. I vividly remember my father hoisting me up on to the upper berth of the air conditioned compartment where I settled down to read a book, holding it wrong side up, just to mimic my brother who was engrossed in another book. The memory of the picture that my mother clicked almost always tugs at my mouth. Like any school going kid, I used to look forward to train journeys with the anticipation of a mother bearing her first child. As I grew older, the thrill of looking out of the window with the wind blowing in my face, of craning out of the window to watch the train turn, of travelling over bridges with river water gushing underneath, of passing through pitch black tunnels, of being huddled on my mother’s lap, of card games and vocabulary building games, of listening to the vendor yell ‘Chaaaya, Kaapi’, soon became mundane. The exciting became humdrum. Little did I realise then, that I would have to travel 36 hours from college to get home for the holidays. Train conversations were different to and from home. The journey to college was filled with thoughtful conversations, conversations of a hope-filled new semester, of wistful longing for home, of nostalgia, of holiday experiences and more. The trip home, on the other hand was a ruckus with smiling faces all around, each making our own plans for a full 2 months at home. As the years passed, the train was soon to become my second home as I made numerous trips to home from the city I worked at. I still do. Huddled in the upper berth, conversations took a different turn. Talks of the why’s, what’s and how’s of life became the focus of discussions with friends, as we shared account of events pertaining to different phases of life. Time stood standstill, almost. During one such trip home, a friend and I were sharing our experiences at work. It was one of the most career-sensitive conversations, I’d ever had. The conversation continued till late into the night and when we finally decided to go to sleep, I realised that train journeys are there for a reason. Time that I would have otherwise spent indolently was now well spent. The best train journeys are when I travel alone, especially during the day. There is so much of solitary-time that otherwise is very difficult to get in a world in which the second and the minute hands race past before we even know it. We just have to figure out how to make the most of our train journeys!

Taraf ! - It is the Iranian conversational custom of making polite but vacant offers.The term hit me hard. It made me cringe a bit and think about the countless occasions on which I have said ' Done!' and not kept my word. It reminds me of the several occasions when I have exchanged numbers with random people in the hope of calling them someday. The 'DONE" word, I realise, is a little too overused these days. 'Done, I'll call you sometime.' The sometime never comes. 'Done, Lets catch up over the weekend'. The weekend passes by in a blur. I have for long chided myself about this. Never say done if you don't really intend to do it. I realise that it really is not done till you actually do it. Till then, it just remains Taraf!

A random switching of channels introduced me to a beautiful phrase sometime back -Celebrate the differences. I can't quite recall the context of this phrase. But the term made me realise that the differences are rather important to help sustain a relationship, whether with friends or with a partner. I am no expert on relationships. But I do understand the need to accept people as they are and not attempt to change them. No two people are alike and to expect someone else to think and behave the same way as you do could prove to be a bit of a stretch. Differences tend to be inevitable. As long as two people complement each other in a relationship, maybe we should just agree to disagree and get on with life!

They sat in the backseat aware that the goodbyes were coming soon. A tear trickled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. They continued to ride in silence;an easy silence that gave her the opportunity to collect her thoughts. Soon she'd be riding home in an empty car, save for the driver and returning to an empty home. Good things always come to an end to make way for better things, she thought. They both steadily looked out of the window, not daring to face each other's tears anymore. Been there, done that, at home. They looked out; looked at the city that they had made home. Fond memories weaved in and out. Memories, nature's way of letting us relive the past, she thought. She saw the sun slowly rising from beyond the horizon. Nature was telling her that a new life was dawning, awaiting them both, albeit in different timezones. She crossed her fingers, sent up a silent prayer just as the care came to a screeching halt in front of the departure terminal. They both got out, neither slamming the door shut as was their usual habit. They unloaded the luggage and trolleyed it inside the terminal. They were on time and heard the announcement requesting passengers on board flight EC256 to please check in. They hugged and as tears rolled down their cheeks, they promised. Promised to write regularly. Promised to keep in touch. Promised to take care of themselves. Promised to stay the same. They finally let go of each other and she walked away to wait for the plane to depart. Finally the status on the board changed and she got up to leave. She walked out and looked up. Up at the skies and a small smile tugged at her lips. She followed the plane till it became a speck in the distance.
She smiled. Smiled with the hope the future would promise the best for her daughter. She was happy. Happy that her daughter had left to realise certain long held dreams. She felt a flurry of emotions, all at the same time. Joy,sorrow,worry,pride,love. All of them. She was after all a mother.

So you asked me to come back
Wait another year
But I had my hopes high
You made me walk away


Bliss
I experienced it
Smile
I let my mouth curl
Laugh
I let my sides ache
Silence
I bolted all words
Tears
I let my eyes sting
Joy
I reveled in it
Despair
I threw up my hands
Confusion
I let my thoughts swirl
Luck
I crossed my fingers
Hope
I carried it in my heart

Is it wrong to ask for more
Is it wrong to feel complete
When life has a mind of its own
I become a mere puppet
Pulled up and down, left and right

Period, find me.
Let me just be me
Let me complete me

Tomorrow is another day

Sometimes life slips away just when I think I have control of it, finally
Sometimes so much happens that I can’t catch up with life
Sometimes there is a void that I don’t know how to fill
Sometimes I am happy
Sometimes there is a cloud over my head
Sometimes I talk two to a dozen
Sometimes I keep to myself
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I am in love with life
Sometime I hate it with all my heart
I wish for these conflicts to end
I wish for peace from within
I wish for all the good things
I wish for strength to deal with troubled times
I wish! :)

Get me out before the shadows grow darker
I smell rain on the horizon
I see dark clouds overhead
I see things differently
For you its a clear sky
I need to break free
I don't know
Maybe this is it!
I'm drifting away
I let my eyes do the talking

I'd like to ask before its too late
Will you be there when I wake up
I hope to god you will
I hope to god I will
I am off now
S'long!

I need to be inspired to write. I always need a trigger, a little nudge in one corner of my mind to make me want to write about something.

A long time back I got a forward that outlined different perspectives on Celebration. One was along these lines,

Celebration
Three friends
Three corners of the world
Three mugs of coffee
One chat messenger!

Communication - that's what it essentially means doesn't it? A forward that was; a long time back at that. Reality it is now and yes, every week; just that weekends come slightly earlier these days! All it takes is a simple punch of numbers but ofcourse the communication channel strays here slightly from chat messnger to Nokias and Samsungs! Lost to what's happening around, its time to catch up. Loud talk at the same time. High pitched shrieks and squeals of laughter. We are kids again. Humour, wit and dry jokes. Smiles all around. Pearls of wisdom thrown in at the right time. "Hang in there. It'll be all right. We are around. You can do it. You are the best", always thankful for that. Leg pulling, lots of it, sometimes aimed at self. Overdose of it is always fun. All taken with the right spirit. No mood swings. No sulking. Just fun. Just talk. Just laughter and lots of love! and Over! Until next week!

What are we without each other? Touchwood!:)

A known crowd makes me feel nice, makes me feel wanted. Semi-known, unknown faces kind of gives me the jitters, but I usually end up striking a chord and when I start to be myself I end up having fun. Huh??? Who am I kidding? Noooo. Close to impossible. The sentence about semi-unknown, unknown people is the closest I have ever got to an outrageous lie! Well, it felt good to type that out nevertheless!:) The very first sentence, however, is true. So you can trust me on that. I have always felt a tinge of envy when people make conversation at the drop of a hat, while it take me ages to make up that perfect sentence while talking to people whom I am meeting for the first time, or I haven't met in quite a while. When I meeting someone new, its the same set of questions, same talk about who you are and what you do. Its like a recruiter saying ' Okay, now walk me through your resume'. Anyway the gift of gab has always eluded me when I am with the unknown. I have no regrets however. You can't have it all, can you?

It is a totally different scenario when I am around people whom I love. I really don't have to impress anyone. I can just be myself. Simply not care about mistakes. Simply not care about whether people are being judgemental(because good friends are never judgemental, I can vouch for that), or simply remain silent and just drink in the conversation that is going on around me.

Silence. Ah! Bliss!

The main reason why I started to type this post is because of two sentences that I read at two different places, but that carry the same essence!

A best friend is someone whom you can sit in complete silence with and yet walk away like it was the best conversation you have had.

Only two people who are compatible with each other, can sit in complete silence and yet enjoy each other's company!

Nope, I am not going to elaborate on it at all! It is up to each one of us to let it sink in! We all have our own explanations, don't we?

This has nothing to do with the previous post. I have always looked for signs around me. Something to tell me that things are going to be fine. I somehow always tend to look for numbers or certain pictures or maybe nameboards or things like that. One day on my way to work, I happened to see an 800 whose license number was the same as my ID number back in college. At the cost of sounding silly, I'd like to say that I was thrilled, ecstatic! Happiness was very evident on my face. Everyday on my way to work I used to see the same car. Well, I was quite happy that my good luck charm was accompanying me to work. But something other than the name plate caught my attention. If anyone is reading this post, and your grey cells are working overtime, NO, it's not what you think. I saw a child in the back seat, a little boy who I think would be barely 6-7 years old. Knees propped on the back seat, arms resting over each other, his school bag and lunch basket by his side, he was peering intently through the back window. Sounds normal, doesn't it. I thought so initially too. SoI just left it at that, accelerated my bike, overtook the car and just let it be. The next day, I saw the same kid again. The next day and the next. I had never before seen such a sad face, so forlorn that I felt like going up to him to find out the reason. Unlike kids that usually prefer the front seat to the back, this child always occupied the back seat, while his grandad(I presume it is) drove. Unlike kids, that talk two to a dozen, wanting to know how this works and how that works(like we were all walking WIKIPEDIAS), this child prefered to keep to himself, to remain a silent spectator unperturbed by the mad rush around him. This child was content looking out of the window, sometimes the side, at other times the back. I don't know if he is a special child. I don't know his history. I don't know his background. I really don't know which school he goes to. I don't know who his parents are. But I do wish, I really do wish I see a happy and cheerful face the next time I see him. The world I think is a happier place to live in when kids are happy and smiling.

A calling! Yes, you read that right. I was having this conversation with a friend about what it is that decides the life path of an individual. She put it very simply :
‘There are signs all around us that serve as indications. There is a calling for each one of us; there is something or the other destined for each one of us. We just need to find that calling and we can do that by simply keeping our eyes open’.
It strikes a chord somewhere, doesn’t it? On the contrary when I was having the same conversation with my father about destiny and the ilk, he dismissed it off with a wave of his hand. Such things do not exist according to him. Such things don’t mean anything to him. Destiny, I suppose to him means something that an individual carves out for herself. It has nothing to do with the hand of god. It has nothing to do with anything that can not be explained logically. You know men; logic and reasoning are synonymous with them, I suppose! I am not trying to undermine the importance of efforts, hard work and such things, but above all this; I truly feel that destiny makes it a point to mark its presence in everyone’s life. I guess, you have to be at the right place at the right time. So see you there then. :)

Hope,
Let me see the world through your eyes,
Let me do the things you do,
Let me see the things you see,
Let me dream,
Let my dreams come true,
Let me be you for a day,
Let us trade places,
I know me
Let me know you,
Lets just be friends forever!

All of us have our moments.
Moments when we'd like to be left alone.
Moments when you'd like to be your own best friend.
Moments when even the slightest of disturbances is enough to drive you up the wall.
Moments when you give someone the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, which later you feel guilty about.
Moments when silence is bliss.
Moments when your dog ends up becoming your best friend.
Moments when some 'n' number of thoughts are running through your head, you wish you were brain dead!
Moments when even coffee and a good book can not make your spirits soar.
Moments when you wish life were just a bit, yes, just slightly different.
Moments when you wish you could just let go of things that are holding you back and simply move on.
Moments when you wish you could simply laugh it off.
Moments when you wish to simply drop what you are doing and take off.
Moments when your gut instinct tells you to do it, yet you hold back fearing the worst.
Moments when the whole world is falling apart, yet everything around you is chugging along fine.
Moments like these make us wonder what's around the corner.
Nothing but the best, and we cling on to that hope!

A sense of calm washed over me. I was no longer my tense self. I was no longer thinking random thoughts. That 'no longer' was not long enough actually. Just enough for me to realise that something had changed within me and I quite liked that. I reveled in it, completely enjoying every moment, completely oblivious to the maddening city traffic. I could never sit idle. Never be 'not preoccupied'. I had to be thinking randomly. Piecing 2 and 2 together to make 14. Well, that's me. Take it or leave it. I have never known calm waters. Never. My mind had to be running on third gear. First gear? Bah! What good is one when you can accelerate on three? But why did I not feel my usual self? Calm and me!! A perfect oxymoron! But I realised that I felt calm because I was enjoying being in the present! Present - Maybe Wren and Martin should never deal with Past and Future!

Anyway I do realise that it's a good feeling to enjoy 'this moment', to enjoy 'now', than to think of what next. Its like reading a good book, although I want to turn to the last page to find out how the book ends, I want to be there when the action unfolds, to hang on to every word, re-read certain parts, before I get to the end. It's like a good book that talks to me. That makes me feel good. I don't want the book to end. I am enjoying the book so much, that I dont think of anyting but the book. Oh, future can wait while I finish the book.

Its like lying on the beach, watching the waves curl up, only to look above and see a star-studded sky. I am completely lost to the outside world. I am mine. Only mine.

Well, at the end of the day, its my life. Like it or not. Want it or not. When I am here, I want to be only here, to enjoy every moment of it. Tomorrow can wait. I am not done with today yet!